Happy Holidays Everybody,
Here’s something exciting to do when you are ridiculously bored and in love with Penguins like me.
Move the cursor… These lil dudes will follow you till the end of time… Naw… Isn’t that Sweet:
Here are some cute, little, waddling penguins for your homepage.
via Penguins.
Greetings from London my beloved,
I dedicate this post, this letter today in hopes to update you on my life in the past 8 months. I apologize for leaving “this” bare in the cold for such a wildly long time. However, that doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned my hopes and dreams and dedication to this little “something” you call a Blog.
So what’s been up and down in my life? you ask.
In the past 8 months, I’ve traveled back to New York twice. Been back and forth to London with smiles when I leave the cold, wet weather that doesn’t seem to ever stop just for a moment. During my stay in the U.S and A, I went for a little spring break with a few friends down to Florida, Miami. I’ve traveled back to Asia for work, holiday and spend some time with my family. During my 2 months trip there, I went around Vietnam to all my favourite cities/places. I spent a good dozen of days in Singapore and had an amazing time despite being sick through out the entire trip. Decided it was time to fly back to Vietnam and visit the family, the beach house, the other family and spend some quality time with good old Hanoi. One of my favourite cities of all time.
New York between Jan – March 10
Nothing special, except this city, this little island call Manhattan, seems to have grown more and more each time I visit. My heart now yearn for New York every time I hear a song, a phone call or anything that relates to this wonderful place on earth. If anyone, anyone, ever dare hate let alone despise my New York; I will take you down in a sec and show you why it is that this city is called New York.
Miami, Florida March 10
It’s the first time in a while I spent spring break somewhere with a bit of fun in the Sun. Despite the windy weather, I was still able to get a deep tan that left quite a mark on my lower body for a good 4 months before I fucked it all up again with the harsh beautiful sun Asia has given me. We drank, we partied, we slept, we drove, we beached, we tan, we crashed; oh you name it, we’ve done it all. The full-on famous Spring Break in Miami.
New York and Miami 10. What was going on in my Head?
I spent the few months away, traveling non-stop, leaving this wonderful blog of mine to rot but thankfully not rotten. I was going through a very difficult time adapting to growing… dare I say it, older. I was fine for all that time being the wiser, the more mature, the beautiful; but unfortunately, each birthday comes with a labeled number that non of us can escape. The worse and best part is by years, the numbers will never stop “growing”. Plenty of sleepless nights to count that by the time I hit the U.S and A, I new insomnia was back for good. With all “its” intention to “grow” with me as days turn into months and months hopelessly turn into years. It’s been a solid four years now since I’ve turn an enemy into a friend, and learned to live with “it”. Or so I thought. The problem isn’t insomnia itself. The problem is that I was slowly beaten away, and before I knew it, I became what I fear most; an Insomniac. I couldn’t sleep to save my life, and I knew it. Every time I traveled and get a decent sleep in a strangers’ bed, I sigh with relief. May be this it it, may be this is that moment I’ve been waiting for, Insomnia’s finally found its way to a new path and let me live my life the way it should be. I was wrong. It came crawling back to me, like an old girlfriend, a lover, a hater, that asshole you wish you’d never called. I’ve lived with insomnia for so long, I’m not even sure myself what’s real and what’s not anymore. At some point I thought of Insomnia as my long distance/short-term/annoying/long-term girlfriend, or be it a boyfriend if you wish. When it leaves me, my fear of “it” crawling back was so strong, I believed it was a boyfriend/lover that just kind of went away for a while; and then it will come back and haunt me. When “it” stays, regardless of how tired I am, relentlessly following the few steps to “recovery”…
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
2. Anger… (again)
5. Acceptance
And have I mentioned… Many times over… these steps are getting a little “boring” for me… I need a mix up!
So there you have it. The five steps to Recovery. Of literally any life-burdening, depressive issues you may have. I went from Denying I had problems, to Angrily oppose to what was happening and wondering why it is happening to Me, of all people. Followed by a bit of Bargain to myself, my life and my Doctor that I would do anything, anything to make it stop. Unfortunately this was and is followed by Depression. The crying, the misunderstandings, the hopeless nights, the thoughtless dreams, anything you can think of to the point where you possibly might just want to “kill” yourself a little bit. Before I hit the break, I hit step 2. Anger. Yet again. This time it was more like a throw down, where I realize I have serious Rage Issues. Which turns into Rage Blackouts when out of control. Finally, we’ve come to terms with each other, my girlfriend/lover/boyfriend/enemy/asshole “Insomnia” and I. Step 5. Acceptance came in handy for this “happy” little Ending.
You do understand when I say “little” ending, it means Insomnia and I have got a long way to go and there you have it. The five steps of recovery repeatedly repeats itself. Over and Over. and Over again… to yet another little Ending.
I’m gonna find another You, another Me. The fight is not over Insomnia. Don’t you dare leave before I tell you to get your thoughtless mind out of my life.
On the upside, I discovered a little place of Heaven call “Melissa’s Bakery” in New York and fell head over heals for those delicious gorgeous little Cupcakes that they are. Went for the usual stroll across the city via Central Park. Visited enough museums to know I will probably make my way there again the next time I’m in New York. The MOMA (The Museum of Modern Art) is a place that Fuels creativity, Ignite minds, and provide endless inspirations to the young creative minds. I was fortunate to visit the Moma when an exhibition held for Tim Burton and all his courageously amazing work. From his first to his latest “collection” that changed the filmmaking industry forever. Many of his favourite and artful work was in collaboration with Johnny Depp, an inspiration to actors everywhere. The work/films of Tim Burton include but are not limited to:
Vincent (1982), Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985), Beetlejuice (1988), Batman (1989), Edward Scissorhands (1990), Batman Returns (1992), The Nightmare Before Christmas (as creator and producer) (1993), Ed Wood (1994), Mars Attacks! (1996), Sleepy Hollow (1999), Big Fish (2003), Corpse Bride (2005), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), and Sweeney Todd (2007); writing and Web projects include The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & Other Stories (1997) and Stainboy (2000).
The exhibition featured his art, films, illustrations and they even made a timeline to reflect all the work he’s done in his years. Books of illustrations filled with Tim Burton’s filmmaking history were sold like hot cakes. Needless to say, I was quite amazed and felt lucky to have been there before the exhibition ends.
Another outstanding exhibition following a serious of drawings and illustrations by Picasso was on followed by Live Art. This consist of an artist, a woman, who goes around the world exhibiting herself as Still Art where she sits for a certain amount of days, on a chair, staring at another woman; usually close to a month in every museum. It was interesting to see the crowds surfing through and standing by for hours watching this woman “suffer” in what she calls “heaven”. However, I quite enjoy the “show”; as I watched her seemingly endless dedication to this work of art.
Another museum I had the chance to visit was The Guggenheim, a place for those who enjoy Modern and Contemporary International Art. The building is a shape of the Spiral, it is specially designed to look like and have people follow as a spiral from bottom to top and back. Art was laid out following the shape of the building. I quite enjoyed my experience at the Guggenheim and would recommend anyone with interests in Architecture and Modern art to find their way to this amusing piece of work created by mankind.
Although taken aback by walking all the way up this amazing museum call The Guggenheim, I wasn’t going to let my lazy self pass the chance of walking through Central Park to get to the other side right down to Fifth Avenue and do some afternoon shopping. The walk was amusing but long. However, I did get the chance to make a fool of myself and took a bunch of silly photos while walking through. I made friends with a Squirrel, who came up to me and touched my hand. Here’s hoping that since there’s been no symptoms, I don’t have rabies. I also managed to sit on a few benches while I do my daily “exercise” of “people watching”. Although there weren’t enough funny looking people around to people watched, I managed to snap myself silly, pretending to be a homeless person sitting on those silly little benches around the park. I’ve made my Mark. Time to go… SHOPPING!!
I am lucky enough to have a few great friends and several very close friends to keep me entertained and forget my other life and worries during my stays in New York. They, like me, have an appetite of a Lion when it comes to good food. And what better place in the world to much up on delicious meals other than the little island itself? Where only the best of the best can have a place to stay. Endless amounts of Cash, meaning endless amounts of deliciousness went into our yummy tummy which always lead to the ultimate satisfaction. Relaxing on the sidewalk with a smoke after each meal. Priceless.
I’ve always wanted, during my stays in New York, to take one of my closest girlfriend, on a “date”. Yes, a proper classic “Movie-Popcorn” kind of a date. So I did. I literally forced my beautiful girl, get our lazy asses out, to see a movie, at midnight. What better way to spend Sunday night than a late-night Movie?! Turns out, as my baby girl is so difficult to satisfy, she wouldn’t watch Shutter Island with me, again. We ended up running our asses across the road to watch “How to train your Dragon”. Turns out, one of the best movie we’ve ever seen. I was satisfied. And so was she. The clock hits the number 3.00. Time to go home, but not before getting a midnight snack on the way. We didn’t carry cash for cab, and it was a little dodgy to use card at the wee hour… so… we walked. We walked the few long blocks back to the apartment on 10th Ave. On our way, managed to get some yummy junk food and a bottle of red wine. Needless to say, we didn’t sleep. At least not yet. Ended up home at about 3.30 am, watching Spread while munching on dried squid and sulking on red wine. The night end with the Talk. Which includes, a smoke on the balcony, finishing the wine, and the ultimate, the Popsicle Lollies in the freezer. Amazing. Then of course, the lights were off, and we went to bed. Together. Soundless sleep.
What better to release a stressful day than spend time with that other person that makes you laugh, and understands you. So much so they would go to a movie at midnight despite all the yawns and the complaints. And then go to bed with you. That my friends, is what you call a Girl Friend. I love you J.H. Can’t wait to see you again in New York.
It’s now 3.46 a.m here in London. Please let me apologize and excuse myself from this post.
I will be back. Soon. I promise.
With Love
CND aka Flying Pingu
Question for those wondering minds:
Did you ever wonder how hard it is to really Smile?
Something call Charlene
14.39 p.m. Wednesday. 20. Jan. 2010
First blog in the year 2010. Dedicated to that Special Tree with a Dollface hidden somewhere in the Forest waiting for me to find.
It’s been a while. I hope you are all well, pretty and high from the start of the year 2010. If I have to be perfectly honest, I certainly am not in the best state of mind to write another “uneventful” blog for YOU to read. I had about 2 hrs of proper sleep last night. So you can imagine how sleepy my overly tired brain must be, but this blog/short story today isn’t for me; and as I said it is dedicated to that Special Tree with a Pretty Dollface hidden somewhere I haven’t found.
14.46 p.m. Your Story, My Game
There goes that cat face again. She overwhelms and overdo that pretty damn cute little cat face of hers. You know those “lucky” cats they have in most stores to lure customers? Those cute little ones with their irresistible hands, those little smiling lips and those huge catchy eyes. “I am in Love I know. In love with that cat face. Much too much for my own good.” When she realizes she was making that exact same face, a perfect reflection of those lucky kitty wanna be cats, she knows. She was happy yet again. After so long. After all the worries and cries. After all the troubles and anger. Her troubles are still there, her anger still show, her cry follows but something changed yet again. She worry so she can be happy. She’s angry so she can cry, she can share and smile at the end of every night, the beginning of every morning. That SOMETHING happened. That SOMEONE happened. She can’t help but make herself fall in Love with no regrets. She’s like that lonely tree that found something beautiful to hang on to. But what was she in love with?! She wasn’t quite sure, the only thing she knows for sure is that she love, love with anger, love with respect, love with a smile, love with a heart, and love with happiness.
“Pictures perfect memories scattered all around the floor, reaching for the phone cuz I can’t find it anymore, and I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time, it’s a quarter after one and I need you now.” (Lady A.)
I believe some of us are lucky enough to find that something something more than once in our life. Like her, she found me. I am here now, forever and always… with Hope. She’s like a lost sheep that finds a herd, a lost soul that finds the door to heaven, a lost tree that finds its’ friends, its’ missing branches, and those growing green leafs. Its’ hard to keep your head straight in life, to always “know” what you are doing, where you are going, and defining right from wrong. The right doings are one thing, but the wrong doings’ another. They must find each other to balance themselves from time to time. She was like that, confused but always hopeful. She hopes for something better, something that turns her life upside down. Something that wakes her with a smile and make her want to stay. Make her want to believe in all the things she doesn’t believe in. She’s that girl, that girl she fears and adored most. The Romantic. The unrealistic hopeless romantic that believes in all that romance stands for. In truth, she’s a realist, but something always change and force her to leave that side of her and turn herself in to a Romantic. She knows there’s nothing wrong with being a Romantic, she just despise the happiness that those Romantics bring into her life. She feared unhappiness and anger too much to fall in love with the Romantic side of her. But she knows she will and need and want to grab every opportunity to find the Romantic side of her and smile with no regrets. Those sad eyes that she learned to adore has once again learned how to sparkle, learn how to smile. She’s still hopelessly terrified of staring into another persons’ eyes simply because she’s afraid they can see through her dark brown almost completely black eyes. She was wrong and right. She doesn’t notice but she’s opened herself up much more than she would. Her eyes sparkles with happiness and she’s not looking into another’s because she’s scared but because her eyes are shut from laughing too hard at herself.
That was it, she knows. That smile, that smile that stops her from staring into another’s. That’s when she knows she was madly, head over heels in Love with Happiness. With a Tree, with a Pretty Dollface, with a Lucky Cat, with herself.
She wants to thank that Something that made all of this happen yet again. She wants to thank herself, her cat, her tree, her pretty dollface to give her smile back to those beautiful lips of hers. She wants to believe once more, she needs to believe once more, love and hate once more. It’s all the in the Game, just have to find your way in and out of the Puzzle.
With Love & a perfect Smile
CND aka Pingu
xxx
Another blog, another story, another life begins with almost no ending.
Love with no Regrets, Love with no Fear, Love with Respect, Love with a Smile.
Then you will find Happiness that overcomes Loneliness.
Dedicated to that Perfect Tree with the Pretty Dollface.
