Here’s something exciting to do when you are ridiculously bored and in love with Penguins like me.

Move the cursor… These lil dudes will follow you till the end of time… Naw… Isn’t that Sweet:

Here are some cute, little, waddling penguins for your homepage.

via Penguins.

Greetings from London my beloved,

I dedicate this post, this letter today in hopes to update you on my life in the past 8 months. I apologize for leaving “this” bare in the cold for such a wildly long time. However, that doesn’t mean I’ve abandoned my hopes and dreams and dedication to this little “something” you call a Blog.

So what’s been up and down in my life? you ask.

In the past 8 months, I’ve traveled back to New York twice. Been back and forth to London with smiles when I leave the cold, wet weather that doesn’t seem to ever stop just for a moment. During my stay in the U.S and A, I went for a little spring break with a few friends down to Florida, Miami. I’ve traveled back to Asia for work, holiday and spend some time with my family. During my 2 months trip there, I went around Vietnam to all my favourite cities/places. I spent a good dozen of days in Singapore and had an amazing time despite being sick through out the entire trip. Decided it was time to fly back to Vietnam and visit the family, the beach house, the other family and spend some quality time with good old Hanoi. One of my favourite cities of all time.

New York between Jan – March 10

Nothing special, except this city, this little island call Manhattan, seems to have grown more and more each time I visit. My heart now yearn for New York every time I hear a song, a phone call or anything that relates to this wonderful place on earth. If anyone, anyone, ever dare hate let alone despise my New York; I will take you down in a sec and show you why it is that this city is called New York.

Miami, Florida March 10

It’s the first time in a while I spent spring break somewhere with a bit of fun in the Sun. Despite the windy weather, I was still able to get a deep tan that left quite a mark on my lower body for a good 4 months before I fucked it all up again with the harsh beautiful sun Asia has given me. We drank, we partied, we slept, we drove, we beached, we tan, we crashed; oh you name it, we’ve done it all. The full-on famous Spring Break in Miami.

New York and Miami 10. What was going on in my Head?

I spent the few months away, traveling non-stop, leaving this wonderful blog of mine to rot but thankfully not rotten. I was going through a very difficult time adapting to growing… dare I say it, older. I was fine for all that time being the wiser, the more mature, the beautiful; but unfortunately, each birthday comes with a labeled number that non of us can escape. The worse and best part is by years, the numbers will never stop “growing”. Plenty of sleepless nights to count that by the time I hit the U.S and A, I new insomnia was back for good. With all “its” intention to “grow” with me as days turn into months and months hopelessly turn into years. It’s been a solid four years now since I’ve turn an enemy into a friend, and learned to live with “it”. Or so I thought. The problem isn’t insomnia itself. The problem is that I was slowly beaten away, and before I knew it, I became what I fear most; an Insomniac. I couldn’t sleep to save my life, and I knew it. Every time I traveled and get a decent sleep in a strangers’ bed, I sigh with relief. May be this it it, may be this is that moment I’ve been waiting for, Insomnia’s finally found its way to a new path and let me live my life the way it should be. I was wrong. It came crawling back to me, like an old girlfriend, a lover, a hater, that asshole you wish you’d never called. I’ve lived with insomnia for so long, I’m not even sure myself what’s real and what’s not anymore. At some point I thought of Insomnia as my long distance/short-term/annoying/long-term girlfriend, or be it a boyfriend if you wish. When it leaves me, my fear of “it” crawling back was so strong, I believed it was a boyfriend/lover that just kind of went away for a while; and then it will come back and haunt me. When “it” stays, regardless of how tired I am, relentlessly following the few steps to “recovery”…

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
2. Anger… (again)
5. Acceptance

And have I mentioned… Many times over… these steps are getting a little “boring” for me… I need a mix up!

So there you have it. The five steps to Recovery. Of literally any life-burdening, depressive issues you may have. I went from Denying I had problems, to Angrily oppose to what was happening and wondering why it is happening to Me, of all people. Followed by a bit of Bargain to myself, my life and my Doctor that I would do anything, anything to make it stop. Unfortunately this was and is followed by Depression. The crying, the misunderstandings, the hopeless nights, the thoughtless dreams, anything you can think of to the point where you possibly might just want to “kill” yourself a little bit. Before I hit the break, I hit step 2. Anger. Yet again. This time it was more like a throw down, where I realize I have serious Rage Issues. Which turns into Rage Blackouts when out of control. Finally, we’ve come to terms with each other, my girlfriend/lover/boyfriend/enemy/asshole “Insomnia” and I. Step 5. Acceptance came in handy for this “happy” little Ending.

You do understand when I say “little” ending, it means Insomnia and I have got a long way to go and there you have it. The five steps of recovery repeatedly repeats itself. Over and Over. and Over again… to yet another little Ending.

I’m gonna find another You, another Me. The fight is not over Insomnia. Don’t you dare leave before I tell you to get your thoughtless mind out of my life.

On the upside, I discovered a little place of Heaven call “Melissa’s Bakery” in New York and fell head over heals for those delicious gorgeous little Cupcakes that they are. Went for the usual stroll across the city via Central Park. Visited enough museums to know I will probably make my way there again the next time I’m in New York. The MOMA (The Museum of Modern Art) is a place that Fuels creativity, Ignite minds, and provide endless inspirations to the young creative minds. I was fortunate to visit the Moma when an exhibition held for Tim Burton and all his courageously amazing work. From his first to his latest “collection” that changed the filmmaking industry forever. Many of his favourite and artful work was in collaboration with Johnny Depp, an inspiration to actors everywhere. The work/films of Tim Burton include but are not limited to:
Vincent (1982), Pee-wee’s Big Adventure (1985), Beetlejuice (1988), Batman (1989), Edward Scissorhands (1990), Batman Returns (1992), The Nightmare Before Christmas (as creator and producer) (1993), Ed Wood (1994), Mars Attacks! (1996), Sleepy Hollow (1999), Big Fish (2003), Corpse Bride (2005), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), and Sweeney Todd (2007); writing and Web projects include The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy & Other Stories (1997) and Stainboy (2000).
The exhibition featured his art, films, illustrations and they even made a timeline to reflect all the work he’s done in his years. Books of illustrations filled with Tim Burton’s filmmaking history were sold like hot cakes. Needless to say, I was quite amazed and felt lucky to have been there before the exhibition ends.

Another outstanding exhibition following a serious of drawings and illustrations by Picasso was on followed by Live Art. This consist of an artist, a woman, who goes around the world exhibiting herself as Still Art where she sits for a certain amount of days, on a chair, staring at another woman; usually close to a month in every museum. It was interesting to see the crowds surfing through and standing by for hours watching this woman “suffer” in what she calls “heaven”. However, I quite enjoy the “show”; as I watched her seemingly endless dedication to this work of art.

Another museum I had the chance to visit was The Guggenheim, a place for those who enjoy Modern and Contemporary International Art. The building is a shape of the Spiral, it is specially designed to look like and have people follow as a spiral from bottom to top and back. Art was laid out following the shape of the building. I quite enjoyed my experience at the Guggenheim and would recommend anyone with interests in Architecture and Modern art to find their way to this amusing piece of work created by mankind.

Although taken aback by walking all the way up this amazing museum call The Guggenheim, I wasn’t going to let my lazy self pass the chance of walking through Central Park to get to the other side right down to Fifth Avenue and do some afternoon shopping. The walk was amusing but long. However, I did get the chance to make a fool of myself and took a bunch of silly photos while walking through. I made friends with a Squirrel, who came up to me and touched my hand. Here’s hoping that since there’s been no symptoms, I don’t have rabies. I also managed to sit on a few benches while I do my daily “exercise” of “people watching”. Although there weren’t enough funny looking people around to people watched, I managed to snap myself silly, pretending to be a homeless person sitting on those silly little benches around the park. I’ve made my Mark. Time to go… SHOPPING!!

I am lucky enough to have a few great friends and several very close friends to keep me entertained and forget my other life and worries during my stays in New York. They, like me, have an appetite of a Lion when it comes to good food. And what better place in the world to much up on delicious meals other than the little island itself? Where only the best of the best can have a place to stay. Endless amounts of Cash, meaning endless amounts of deliciousness went into our yummy tummy which always lead to the ultimate satisfaction. Relaxing on the sidewalk with a smoke after each meal. Priceless.

I’ve always wanted, during my stays in New York, to take one of my closest girlfriend, on a “date”. Yes, a proper classic “Movie-Popcorn” kind of a date. So I did. I literally forced my beautiful girl, get our lazy asses out, to see a movie, at midnight. What better way to spend Sunday night than a late-night Movie?! Turns out, as my baby girl is so difficult to satisfy, she wouldn’t watch Shutter Island with me, again. We ended up running our asses across the road to watch “How to train your Dragon”. Turns out, one of the best movie we’ve ever seen. I was satisfied. And so was she. The clock hits the number 3.00. Time to go home, but not before getting a midnight snack on the way. We didn’t carry cash for cab, and it was a little dodgy to use card at the wee hour… so… we walked. We walked the few long blocks back to the apartment on 10th Ave. On our way, managed to get some yummy junk food and a bottle of red wine. Needless to say, we didn’t sleep. At least not yet. Ended up home at about 3.30 am, watching Spread while munching on dried squid and sulking on red wine. The night end with the Talk. Which includes, a smoke on the balcony, finishing the wine, and the ultimate, the Popsicle Lollies in the freezer. Amazing. Then of course, the lights were off, and we went to bed. Together. Soundless sleep.

What better to release a stressful day than spend time with that other person that makes you laugh, and understands you. So much so they would go to a movie at midnight despite all the yawns and the complaints. And then go to bed with you. That my friends, is what you call a Girl Friend. I love you J.H. Can’t wait to see you again in New York.

It’s now 3.46 a.m here in London. Please let me apologize and excuse myself from this post.

I will be back. Soon. I promise.

With Love

CND aka Flying Pingu

Question for those wondering minds:

Did you ever wonder how hard it is to really Smile?

Something call Charlene

First blog in the year 2010. Dedicated to that Special Tree with a Dollface hidden somewhere in the Forest waiting for me to find.

It’s been a while. I hope you are all well, pretty and high from the start of the year 2010. If I have to be perfectly honest, I certainly am not in the best state of mind to write another “uneventful” blog for YOU to read. I had about 2 hrs of proper sleep last night. So you can imagine how sleepy my overly tired brain must be, but this blog/short story today isn’t for me; and as I said it is dedicated to that Special Tree with a Pretty Dollface hidden somewhere I haven’t found.

14.46 p.m. Your Story, My Game

There goes that cat face again. She overwhelms and overdo that pretty damn cute little cat face of hers. You know those “lucky” cats they have in most stores to lure customers? Those cute little ones with their irresistible hands, those little smiling lips and those huge catchy eyes. “I am in Love I know. In love with that cat face. Much too much for my own good.” When she realizes she was making that exact same face, a perfect reflection of those lucky kitty wanna be cats, she knows. She was happy yet again. After so long. After all the worries and cries. After all the troubles and anger. Her troubles are still there, her anger still show, her cry follows but something changed yet again. She worry so she can be happy. She’s angry so she can cry, she can share and smile at the end of every night, the beginning of every morning. That SOMETHING happened. That SOMEONE happened. She can’t help but make herself fall in Love with no regrets. She’s like that lonely tree that found something beautiful to hang on to. But what was she in love with?! She wasn’t quite sure, the only thing she knows for sure is that she love, love with anger, love with respect, love with a smile, love with a heart, and love with happiness.

“Pictures perfect memories scattered all around the floor, reaching for the phone cuz I can’t find it anymore, and I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time, it’s a quarter after one and I need you now.” (Lady A.)

I believe some of us are lucky enough to find that something something more than once in our life. Like her, she found me. I am here now, forever and always… with Hope. She’s like a lost sheep that finds a herd, a lost soul that finds the door to heaven, a lost tree that finds its’ friends, its’ missing branches, and those growing green leafs. Its’ hard to keep your head straight in life, to always “know” what you are doing, where you are going, and defining right from wrong. The right doings are one thing, but the wrong doings’ another. They must find each other to balance themselves from time to time. She was like that, confused but always hopeful. She hopes for something better, something that turns her life upside down. Something that wakes her with a smile and make her want to stay. Make her want to believe in all the things she doesn’t believe in. She’s that girl, that girl she fears and adored most. The Romantic. The unrealistic hopeless romantic that believes in all that romance stands for. In truth, she’s a realist, but something always change and force her to leave that side of her and turn herself in to a Romantic. She knows there’s nothing wrong with being a Romantic, she just despise the happiness that those Romantics bring into her life. She feared unhappiness and anger too much to fall in love with the Romantic side of her. But she knows she will and need and want to grab every opportunity to find the Romantic side of her and smile with no regrets. Those sad eyes that she learned to adore has once again learned how to sparkle, learn how to smile. She’s still hopelessly terrified of staring into another persons’ eyes simply because she’s afraid they can see through her dark brown almost completely black eyes. She was wrong and right. She doesn’t notice but she’s opened herself up much more than she would. Her eyes sparkles with happiness and she’s not looking into another’s because she’s scared but because her eyes are shut from laughing too hard at herself.

That was it, she knows. That smile, that smile that stops her from staring into another’s. That’s when she knows she was madly, head over heels in Love with Happiness. With a Tree, with a Pretty Dollface, with a Lucky Cat, with herself.

She wants to thank that Something that made all of this happen yet again. She wants to thank herself, her cat, her tree, her pretty dollface to give her smile back to those beautiful lips of hers. She wants to believe once more, she needs to believe once more, love and hate once more. It’s all the in the Game, just have to find your way in and out of the Puzzle.

With Love & a perfect Smile

CND aka Pingu

xxx

Another blog, another story, another life begins with almost no ending.

Love with no Regrets, Love with no Fear, Love with Respect, Love with a Smile.

Then you will find Happiness that overcomes Loneliness.

Dedicated to that Perfect Tree with the Pretty Dollface.

I finally took the time out to watch one of the legendary movie of our time. Coco Before Chanel.

Nothing to say except — A Woman with style and elegance that follows with her inevitable success with complete arrogance and one that refuses to believe in what is unsuccessful but to believe in the utmost importance of life aside from love, Personal Success.

Something I wouldn’t want to forget:

A girl should be two things: classy and fabulous.
Coco Chanel

A woman has the age she deserves.
Coco Chanel

A women who doesn’t wear perfume has no future.
Coco Chanel

As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!
Coco Chanel

Don’t spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.
Coco Chanel

Elegance does not consist in putting on a new dress.
Coco Chanel

Elegance is not the prerogative of those who have just escaped from adolescence, but of those who have already taken possession of their future.
Coco Chanel

Elegance is refusal.
Coco Chanel

Fashion fades, only style remains the same.
Coco Chanel

Fashion is architecture: it is a matter of proportions.
Coco Chanel

Fashion is made to become unfashionable.
Coco Chanel

Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.
Coco Chanel

Great loves too must be endured.
Coco Chanel

Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death.
Coco Chanel

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.
Coco Chanel

I don’t know why women want any of the things men have when one the things that women have is men.
Coco Chanel

I invented my life by taking for granted that everything I did not like would have an opposite, which I would like.
Coco Chanel

I never wanted to weigh more heavily on a man than a bird.
Coco Chanel

In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different.
Coco Chanel

Jump out the window if you are the object of passion. Flee it if you feel it. Passion goes, boredom remains.
Coco Chanel

Look for the woman in the dress. If there is no woman, there is no dress.
Coco Chanel

Luxury must be comfortable, otherwise it is not luxury.
Coco Chanel

My friends, there are no friends.
Coco Chanel

Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.
Coco Chanel

Since everything is in our heads, we had better not lose them.
Coco Chanel

Some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty. It is not. It is the opposite of vulgarity.
Coco Chanel

Success is often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable.
Coco Chanel

The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.
Coco Chanel

There are people who have money and people who are rich.
Coco Chanel

There have been several Duchesses of Westminster but there is only one Chanel!
Coco Chanel

There is no time for cut-and-dried monotony. There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time!
Coco Chanel

Those who create are rare; those who cannot are numerous. Therefore, the latter are stronger.
Coco Chanel

Nighty Nite.

Love to you All.

Pingu CND. xxx

If you have time, please vote for me to become the face of Zuneta Luxury cosmetics:

http://modelsearch.zuneta.com/2010/CharleneD/

October 06, 2009
2.20 a.m

I hope YOU have been doing well. I thought instead of an update, I could interest you with a short story. I haven’t quite figure out what the story is just yet but inspiration comes when we least expected.

5.15 a.m on a Monday
I am still up, wondering what exactly is the reason that’s been keeping me up for the last 2 years of my life. I haven’t found one but I found what looks as if it will be a while before a reason is there for an explanation of uncertainty. You see, when you wait for something to happen, you usually know what it is you are waiting for, and it is common we know roughly what we are expecting at the end of the “journey”. I’ve been waiting for a long time, no explanation. It seems the wait is long but what worries me a little is not the waiting “time” but I worry because I don’t know or rather I am uncertain of what I am waiting for or hoping to happen.

It’s difficult to live with uncertainty in your life, but I feel that we need that uncertainty to move on, to hope and possibly have faith that may be something better will come along. We live, we work, we play in the hopes that this life is the life that we “wanted” since we were young and were able to think and dream about the future ahead.

6.15 a.m. Still Monday.

She left. Looking back through that slightly tinted glass window that separated her from all those hurtful things in her life. For as long as she can remember, trust and faith wasn’t ever her strongest points. She was never quite sure what those two words really meant. They were merely a “weak” link that she led herself to believe were the reasons she had to live and experienced what was considered an “unbearable” series of unexpected events. The one decent result that came with the “unbearable” incidents; she believe she grew a little from one incident to another. One way or the another, for better or for worse, those incidents forced her to grow up, to learn the thing that every child feared and dreamed of, to be an “adult” or another word, a “grown-up”. What ever that means.

6.30 a.m. Monday. The story begins.

She remembered. She met him somewhere, late afternoon, on the steps outside a theatre of some sort, may be an opera house, or the cinema, may be it was outside the church or in an empty field of some sort. She wasn’t quite sure of her memory as they were buried by those other too vivid ones. She remembered him though. He stood with his piercing blue eyes, beautiful brown hair and what looks in her opinion, clothes that were too casual for someone of his taste. She remembered how beautiful he was, how much he “scared” her when she accidently caught him looking directly at her. Exposed, light, fear, excited she feels. Exposed because she feel he can read through her broken heart. Light because his eyes were too blue it sort of made her calm but wonders. Fear because she felt she could fall for those piercing blue eyes that were staring at her as if they knew exactly what she was thinking, how she feels and all of a sudden, those “understanding” eyes are willing to do her right and give her everything she yearns for. Excited because she noticed she was smiling with those piercing blue eyes. She hardly ever smiles, especially not when her eyes met with another.

He told her without regrets nor doubts, she had the most beautiful smile in the world. She never believed in smiling nor laughing. Those were just tools to keep her from telling the truth, face reality. Smiling and laughing is a tool she use to ease people in difficult situations as they were tools that helps keep her away from sharing too much of herself. She was scared of looking into the others eyes when they communicate with her. Not because she feared them staring at her beautiful face but because what he said was true. He told her she has the most beautiful smile but if people look closer, her eyes were in debt with sadness and they were those wandering eyes. The kind that wanders to its own world and live in eternal fantasy. Outside, they were just deep and beautiful black eyes that tells a story. The key isn’t the beautiful eyes, but that they were almost black. They have the ability to lure others eyes and make them wonder what it is that could make her so sad. But she wasn’t sad, or may be she was for too long and they became a part of her and the only way one can tell is by looking into her eyes. She knew that and learned the easiest way is to avoid looking into others eyes. The eye, the window to one’s soul, one’s deepest desires, one’s heart.

She believed him when he told her she has the most beautiful smile in the world; but she buried his thoughts when he told her she had beautiful sad wandering eyes.

Was she addicted to pain? or was she just born to live with sadness? She didn’t know. She knew she made the mistake of letting someone in her life. Taking over her painful thoughts and made her smile without control. It was like a drug, like a beautiful lie that she always dreamed of. She was happy. It didn’t make sense. Then reality hits. She lost it. She lost it all. Nothing left but a sea of darkness. Death shattered over the black hole in her heart. She was. She is. She will forever be trapped in the addiction for endless pain. The she knows it. All good things come to an end. Wether we choose or force reality to change. Nothing can change destiny, where one’s supposed to be, what one’s supposed to do. We all have a purpose in life. What are those purposes? Only you would know. Life is a journey that must end.

Me. Myself. and I.
Photography: Lukas L.
Model: Charlene D.
MUA: Song Thu.
Concept: Love is in the Eyes.

Indeed, it’s been a while since my last post on this so called wordpress. Many strange incidents have happened in the last 6 months and I feel that now is the time to share some of those interesting incidents with “the world”.

Before we jump to an indefinite conclusion, I would like to share an incredibly mundane yet rather interesting turn of events that happened in the course of 2 hrs in one single place, the “magic” bathroom. Better yet, the bathtub. Well, the last time I took a bath was about 6 months ago, so pretty much the same time I last updated this blog. I believe that in life, we should try to find peace in one way or the other after a period of stressful time and a string of tiresome events. Be it a walk in the park, a cold shower, reading your favourite book, sex*, chocolate, a good movie and so on. For me, however, my space, my peace, is a bath. A perfectly confined space with running hot water, a good amount of bubbles, a book of Death, and a cell phone just in case of emergency! I got through about 100 pages before my skin starts reacting to all the water and bubbles and before I knew it, I was falling asleep to Hallelujah. When I came back to my “conscience”, it is to my believe that I was on the phone with several people in the course of an hour. Rather strange.
* Most people associate success with money and power but really, it’s a State of Mind!

I never knew patience is the key to a good bath. Most of the time, stress gets the best of me and sometimes we forget what it means to be patient. On one hand, I stayed in the bath a little too long
I must apologize for this mishap. I kind of fell asleep before I could finish this post. Please be patient and I shall return and finish this post as soon as there’s better timing on my hands.

Love now and Forever…

Charlene D. xxx

First of, I must apologize for leaving this blog of mine into it’s own Loneliness for such a long time. I’ve been incredibly with modeling jobs and uni work and unfortunately that takes up about 90% of my precious time and the rest….I use for sleeping…and eating.

I am in a mood that is rather hard to explain. I did something very vain and mostly stupid on my part today and in a long time, have a “chance” to feel Regret. I had a Birthday party I attended to last night, it was one of those unexpected fun night and of course knowing myself, I wouldn’t be home any earlier than 3:00 A.M. I blame myself for having fun and I blame Ghetto (the club) for moving so far away from SOHO! Soho is slowly loosing bits by bits that makes Soho, SOHO! and of course the result of my late night party is me missing one of the most important casting of my life. I usually don’t write about my job, but today I felt a rush of guilt and self disappointment and couldn’t help but express some of the thoughts going through in my head here in the hope that it will keep me busy from trying to “kill” myself with the stupidity I hold in my head, big enough for me to miss a Job I want very much.

I’ve been such a “good” girl lately, going to class every single day, considering the 4hrs commute back and forth I believe I am doing a pretty good job keeping up with uni. I despise myself for missing anything lately. I make myself HATE myself for missing the supposedly “normal” things in life. I feel that I finally got back to being “normal” and once again, my body, myself, my soul, my brain, finds a way to F*CK me UP!

Since I got back from my little holiday/work trip back home, I have made the impossible, Possible. Sleeping like a normal person. I believe in one of my previous entries I’ve shared a little with YOU about my sleeping disorder and my undeniable sleepless brain. Well, believe it or not, the trip and the events followed during the trip SAVED my LIFE! I went back to sleep! My brain finally decided to well, supposedly had an agreement, a “contract” with my body and decides that may be it’s time for the brain, the body, the soul to become ONE once again. I felt a rush of relief everyday when my body “rests” with its’ “soul” and never sleeping “brain”. Like clock work, everyday since I’ve been back, not once did I stay up after midnight. I felt like Cinderella all over again. I felt I have responsibilities that needs taken care of in the morning when I wake up. Although with every single problems, mishap and disappointments that have followed and found its’ way to ME, I still feel that it was fine, because I know, everyday after midnight, I sleep like and angel. Like sleeping beauty knowing I’ll never have to “wake up” to the problems I’ve got to face. I never realized that having just a few hours of “beauty sleep” can help someone with so much personal attitudes that I make myself make problems become bigger than they are. I believe I haven’t used the word “I” so much in one paragraph in so long.

Believe it or not, I don’t enjoy talking about myself, simply because that’s when I find more things or rather more “problems” to keep my head busy from resting. The pain of going through life and discovering self proclaim, self realization, self respect, self harm, self relief, and every other selfishness that one can find in a person is an excruciating pain that I believe every person must go through to know what it is one calls “Life”. If someone in this world was or is “lucky” enough to experience “Life”, to experience “Pain” and the “Relief” one goes through when the Pain leaves and Happiness takes over. But one must also know that Life and Pain comes with Happiness but Happiness on its’ own, doesn’t happen without Loneliness.

Loneliness is the word I’ve tried so hard to avoid, to run away from ever since I learn to speak. The Loneliness takes over every Joy, every Pain, every Happiness one can have. A person of whom to the public seems to have everything in the world, sadly cannot escape the fact and the matter is that, she is lonely. She’s lonely not because she has love, happiness, pain, joy, life but simply because she doesn’t have what one calls “self satisfaction”. I believe self satisfaction is a very important subject, a matter that destroys everything a “self proclaim successor” believes in and lives for. She can have everything, she can see everything, she can experience the most excruciating pain of joy but in the end, Loneliness takes over and leave her in a dark corner and makes her feel as if her existence is probably the most unimportant of all matters in this world. Even when she tries her hardest to Live Life, loneliness can always find a way to get through her, like a knife, a needle that runs through her blood, her veins, just waiting to pierce through her already broken Heart in the hope that one day, the Heart will no longer bleed nor beat. You know, she misses those little time where she experiences joy and happiness but shuts down as the thought of loneliness takes over, telling her it won’t be long before I (the power of loneliness) come back and overtake YOUR life.

I believe, that She, must have the hardest time in life fighting with her own happiness, pain, joy and life just so that in the end, Loneliness takes over and leave everything she believes in and fought for just because it’s too easy NOT to give up on piercing the needle through her bleeding heart and leaving her behind. I feel her pain, I feel and knows that She too has feelings, She too knows what Joy is, what Life is, what Pain is but She too leave her “Happiness” behind and let the Loneliness crash like a dark cloud, like the devil, everything that was “made up” n her head. She too, knows that no matter how hard She tries, Loneliness only needs a moment of Weakness and slowly, it kills her without killing her.

What can one get out of life? If everything they fought for, worked for, live for becomes dust and Loneliness becomes their broken hearts?

I’m still searching, in the vain hope that may be, just may be, one day, there will be that one person, that one living thing, that one joy, one happiness, one pain will give me an answer to the Loneliness She goes through or at least an explanation why a wonderful person such as She is forced to live with life’s most excruciating numbing pain of all: Loneliness.

Shoot with Zhang Zingna aka Zemotion

I hope you enjoy the series of photos below as it is exactly what She is going through.

Loneliness lies underneath Happiness and Pain.
The Black Swan…

She believes that Loneliness comes with Excruciating Pain and Pleasure of Beauty…

Love from within…

Charlene D.xxx

Let us not love with words or tongue
but with actions and in truth.

Love bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never ends.

For where your treasure is,
there your heart will be also.

This is my beloved
and this is my friend.

Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can floods drown it.

“When one finds a worthy wife,
her value is far beyond pearls.
Her husband entrusting his heart to her,
has an unfailing prize.”

May the Lord make your love increase
and overflow for each other
and for everyone else.”

Let him kiss me
with the kisses of his mouth:
for thy love is better than wine.

Love comes from a pure heart
and a good conscience
and a sincere faith

Until the angels close my eyes,
I can’t imagine seeing life without you.

If I cannot love …
I am nothing.

There are three things that remain
- faith, hope, and love
- and the greatest of these is love.

Come let us take our fill of love until the morning:
let us solace ourselves with loves.

I found the one my heart loves.

My beloved is mine
and I am his.

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
It does not envy.
It does not boast.
It is not proud.
It is not rude.
It is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrong doing.
It does not delight in evil,
but rejoices in the truth.
It always protects, trusts,
hopes, perseveres.

Something I found to like on my Own and in my Own way…

Love is like an Angel, Love is like the Devil. Love is not a Heart but a Circle, that lasts Forever.

With Love.

Pingu a.k.a Charlene…

If I cannot Love. I am Nothing and Nothing will be Mine.

I feel as if everything I could possibly do in my power I did to make myself SLEEP failed once again. I thought that may be if I write another blog, another entry of my life then may be I can get whatever it is that’s bothering me out of my overly and heavily “stuffed” brain. For the first time in many years, I woke up in the morning and felt how it feels like to breath “morning fresh air”. I thank the one that gives me this chance to feel that “love” for morning glory again. I felt as if the minute I woke up, I have somehow magically gone back in time by staying in the present and “learn” how to live like a supposedly normal “person”. It’s hard to feel what it is I’m going through right this second, but I will try to explain or rather write down the thoughts as best I can for myself, YOU and I to understand.

If I was ever lucky enough to be given another chance to live “normal”, I think I would want to try and see the changes in myself. Not necessarily good, bad or great but in fact, the hardest thing to do in life is how to be what one calls “normal”. “Normal” is probably one of the very few things many try to overly achieve with the believe that may be one day soon they will reach this “destination”. I feel my head exploding but I want to write this before I forget about it the next day, or in fact in the next few hours when my brain decides to let my body sleep.

For a very long time and still now, I feel as if my body and my brains don’t connect, or rather stopped connecting with each other in a way that can help me become a “normal” thing. My brains will find any way “it” can possible to keep itself “alive” and “active” when my body is the least bit “active”. A better word would probably be overly slept body and heavily tired non-stop brain. I know it must sound “incredibly” strange and if YoU are still reading then I applaud you for not falling asleep or wanting to break your Macs for this rather disturbingly “boring” entry of mine.

In the very near future, I will have to go back what it is I call “my LIFE” and live as if I never left it behind when I thought if I left it behind then may be I wouldn’t feel the pressure of “going back”. I hope YOU understand what it is I’m trying my best to show you and I very much appreciate all the time YOU spend on “reading” this new entry of my life.

I had a thought today, what will happen to me and my tired souls in 10 years, 15 years, 20 years time. Would it be the same? Would I be the same? Will time let me learn the things I have yet to achieve? Will time let my body and souls rest and give me a chance to live “normal”? Or will it be too late then and I wouldn’t and didn’t have the “time and space” to learn how to be NORMAL?!….

I leave that to YOU to decide, for the first time, I may say….My Fate is in Your Hands….I wish you well and wish you to lead ME in the right directions and lend me a hand when I need to change the Fate of my Star…

Good Night to YOU!

Love.

Charlene D. xxx

For Pleasure….or Pain…

I hope you are having a wonderful time wherever you are as I am sitting here in my so called living room/kitchen at 2:28 a.m, sipping a cup of Creamy Latte. And Yes…like I mentioned before, I can’t sleep at night… remember?!…
Oh and by the way, a little funny/weird fact about me….You know how Coffee and Tea helps people stay up? They make me sleep instead… It’s like taking sleeping pills for me…If I drink Coffee or Tea…I go into “hibernation”.

Well, I wanted to write this post because I felt that it was time to update this so called Blog of mine. However, I am and have been leading a very hectic schedule this week as it is my last week of Uni and Modeling work before the holidays officially begins for most people. As for me, I will be going back to my lovely hometown, my little Hanoi for a much needed holiday and very exciting up-coming modeling jobs that I have indeed, been “invited”/”chosen” if you like.

This week was like I said, very busy. I had to sort out my so called Modeling Portfolio because of course, that’s what models live for and live on isn’t it?! And yes, you may ask why it is that I don’t have an “official” portfolio on my hand although I have been in the “game”/”industry” for quite some time. This is because I believe in being different and well…Unique. I believe that for someone at my “standards” it would be much better if I get picked/chosen for a job when auditioning from my agency profiles/portfolio rather than running around town carrying a book like every other models. Saying this, I must sound rather arrogant, but I have my reasons. I feel that if I go on auditions, I am already chosen to GO to that audition meaning there’s something “special” there, and my job is to look my best and do my best at the audition. If all else fails, I have what you call…”modern technology”, my little “Blue Pingu” I call it, simply just my portfolio on a very cute little USB stick. Why is this better you may ask? Because if clients wants to see my portfolio, they can see pretty much EVERYTHING I have done and NOTE this, if clients wants my photos on a “memo”, they can just copy/paste on to their lap tops. Now how nice would that be? To have your own little folder with your name on it on a client’s laptop?! Well, you see…you can’t get more “publicity” than that darlings….

So may I say yet again, I feel that I am “lucky” enough to not have to HAVE a “portfolio” and still get chosen for many exciting jobs; that pretty much saves me at least 3kg of space in my “Satchel” for a new pair of Louboutins or those beautiful Manolo Blaniks’ we all Die to have.

Well, now that the little story above is out of the way, I can finally tell you my overwhelmingly “annoying” yet “satisfying” search for the perfect Portfolio Booklet and a place where I call Printer’s heaven where they did the amazing job of Printing out my Portfolio pictures.

It took me a whopping 5 months to look for the PERFECT PORTFOLIO BOOKLET (no wonder I don’t have a book huh?!)…Well I found it in a little shop somewhere in the middle of SoHo London…You may guess, I have already forgotten the address. Like always, I can probably make my way here and there again after spending a few hours looking for the place but if you ask me to remember the streets? There’s probably no way….This isn’t because I’m “stupid” but they are probably places that are not Important enough for me to care to Remember…

So anyways, it took me 5 months, and about 30 minutes “ripping” through the portfolio books section (without letting the shop keeper know of course…the sign said “No opening the Portfolios without Permission”. Right…) After about 30 minutes of deciding if I wanted leather bounds, plastic bounds, ring bounds, and what ever else it is they have, I needed to decide which book sizes I wanted. It was rather hard I must warn you all of whom are going to try to do the same thing I did and look for what it is one calls…”The Perfect Portfolio”. I finally decided to get this Beautiful Ring binder Soft Leather Bound Portfolio booklet with polyester sleeves inside, carrying just about 40 pages worth of photos. I believe this is the perfect start for a perfect Book for the new “start” of my Modeling part in life.

Unfortunately, as my photos are being processed at the Special Portfolio’s Printers’ right now, I am unable to show you my new portfolio book. However, exciting news, as I was being all naggy and incredibly nice at the Printers’ today, they were nice enough to sit there over time with the last customer in store, me; just to sit and pick out each individual photos I wanted print/set/bordered. Oh and let me just say, I thank whoever it is that created the Student Card, automatic 10% discounts and with my wits and charms, I got another 25% discounts for all the photos that are being “processed”. Yay!

Lesson to be learn girls, choose your “Printers” very well and make sure you have a look at the least 5 different stores and check their prices and qualities before giving them your photos for the best prices or rather affordable prices for Portfolio Photos being printed in this rather twisted and much much expensive world.

I hope that You all had fun reading my new post. I must leave you to your imaginations in what it is I will be writing in my next Post because the clock just hit 3:02 a.m and I am out of my head right now. Two exams tomorrow, I mean today’s morning/noon and a show tonight somewhere in the Heart of Central London…

For now, please enjoy a series of Photos from my recent shoots in London….

Charlene in London…
Shot by an up and coming famous and young photographers who works for the likes of Harper’s Bazaar and Elle Singapore….

A preview of a shoot I did in the summer for a very talented Designer and of course an incredibly Beautiful Photographer who is also one of my closest friends…

Well, Enjoy the Holidays my Darlings and I hope to update this Blog very soon before Xmas and New Years….

If not, I wish you ALL a very Merry Christmas and an even Happier New Year!!!

You Know I Love You!

Charlene D. Aka Flying Pingu!

xoxo